There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
