"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
