Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize