Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
