I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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