Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
