After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
