Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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