I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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