i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
