508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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