I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
