my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
