she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
