lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
