I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
its liver damage thursday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
