I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
