She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
