There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize