he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
