we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize