The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
