Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
