oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
