We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
