my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
