Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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