Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
