FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
