I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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