it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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