Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we're so committed to being not committed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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