Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
