He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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