May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize