haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
