saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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