how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
