You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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