My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
