If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize