You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize