tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
