please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
