If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
