At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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