Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
