I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
