we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
