so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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