She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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