just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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