Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
