A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
