thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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