Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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