the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
