Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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