dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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