btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
