You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
