how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
