Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
