I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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