after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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