you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
