i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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